


Gold Rush

by candyyysays



Series: Folklore and Evermore Marauders Era Short Stories [7]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Letters, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Post-Sirius Black's Death, Post-Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candyyysays/pseuds/candyyysays
Summary: based on the song "gold rush" by Taylor Swift𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 '𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩Remus Lupin always chose his words carefully.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Folklore and Evermore Marauders Era Short Stories [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117049
Kudos: 19





	Gold Rush

**Author's Note:**

> heres the link to the song ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz-f9mM3Ms8  
> id say thanks to everyone on the discord for being awesome people but my heart cant take more angst so ill just tell yall to go sit in the corner

June 25th, 1974

Remus’ arm stretched out across his chair. He’d been trying to find the right words for a letter to a particular dark haired, mothers-eyeliner-and-skinny-jeans clad friend all morning. He’d put his quill into his pot, reached to the parchment and stopped enough times the leftover ink had started to bleed into his hands. All things considered though, he didn't mind much.

He’d picked up that god awful ink on a trip to hogsmeade right before they’d split for the summer. It was a brilliant shade of blue, staggering even. He’d liked the way the ink sparkled on the shelf, shrugging off the thought of how silly he’d tell anyone else they were to buy something so prone to spillages. Moving his quill to sit between his teeth in annoyance, he almost felt like the ink was winking at him. Teasing, he thought. He’d never say it out loud, but the ink made him think of Sirius. Specifically, how the ink could so very nearly perfectly compliment those eyes of his. 

Oh, Sirius 

He felt that familiar rush creep up on him again. As usual, he’d never say this out loud, but he felt that same feeling far too often. It killed him inside, almost as much as it killed him to watch everyone who fawned over Sirius, everyone who seemed to feel how Remus did. And that? that was almost as bad as how he felt his cheeks burn when he’d brush past him in the halls, or eyes burning in the back of his head after a look that lingered for a little too long. Was he supposed to like this feeling? Everyone else seemed to. It was torture.

 _Dear_  
no, Remus thought.  
_To Sirius_  
Remus put his quill between his teeth again. He'd never been quite as good at appearing laid back as his friends, but he’d always chosen his words carefully. He couldn't quite put his finger on why he was at a loss for them so out of the, coincidentally, blue. So he’d keep it short. Friendly. Maybe a little rude.

 _Hey, Sirius_  
yes! thought Remus.  
_How’s your summer going this year? I’ve been meaning to reach you recently, I hope this years’ better, maybe? Hopefully. ~~I~~ We worry about you. My problem’s not gotten easier, if that makes you feel any better. I actually think it’s gotten worse, if that's possible? I'll have to read one of those books you three keep telling me to. There's lots of things you three keep telling me to do isn't there? Maybe you can do something for me then, and stay out of trouble? There's loads to cause next year if you don't get yourself shipped off to durmstrang. I don't want to ~~lose you~~ have to pick up the pieces in September. Anyways, i think i have to go. Tell Regulus I said happy birthday, would you?  
~~yours,~~ Remus_

August 12th, 1976

_Sirius, Stop writing._

Remus fired a crumpled piece of paper at his window, which happened to be showing the first signs of daylight. His eyes studied the horizon for a minute, watching a plane cross the dusty pink skyline. He wondered what it must feel like to fly through the sky, cutting through clouds and staring at the moon with nothing other than admiration.  
Every moon since *that* day seemed to sting just that much more. He couldn't help thinking it’d been better with his so-called friends even if he’d misjudged them. He’d spent the last night cleaning his own wounds and demanding to do so to his shed. Much to his disappointment however, he was still too weak. Summer was nearly over now, and the blistering heat made it too hard to even dream of sleeping. He’d decided to finally go through those letters that’d been piling up over that summer.  
He’d elected not to read them until he felt ready, though he’d received approximately 20 letters of varying sizes from a concerned James, a few from Lily and Peter, one or two from other people in his year and of course, far too many from Sirius. 

He’d had no intention of replying to him, barely scraping a response to James and Lily, the perfect fuckers.  
Even the sight of Sirius’ perfect penmanship was enough to make him sick. How could he have been so idiotic? He could hardly blame Sirius for this, no. It was all Remus’ fault, it always was. He’d been too trusting to let someone like him in. His perfect skin, untouched, his unfaltering confidence, hair falling in his face like a proper rebellious little rich boy who couldn’t lose mommy and daddy’s money. He’d never understand.

It was far too much. He wondered what it must’ve been like to grow up like that, to grow up all posh and beautiful and never have to wonder how his next move would impact his ability to live in this world. He was half envious, half exasperated. Someone like him would never learn, and people like Remus were simply a commodity. Feared at worst, a charity case at best. Remus wasn’t sure where he fit between those anymore.  
He’d apologized, sure, but everyone had seemed to forgive him rather quickly, except for Remus. Maybe he was bitter, maybe nobody else had been close enough to him to understand after all. It didn’t matter now. He’d never fully be able to fit in. That school was a mistake, really. So why couldn’t he bring himself to hurt Sirius? He’d always chosen his words carefully. 

“We’re family” James had said  
Not to him. He wasn’t. Not anymore. 

_~~Sirius~~  
Black, stop writing. You never learn.  
You’re exactly who I thought you were, so piss off  
I ~~loved you~~ trusted you, you knew that.  
It’s different now, I don’t care and i’m not interested.  
I hope it was worth it. Because Merlin, you made your choice.  
Remus_

November 3rd, 1981  
_Happy birthday, Sirius.  
I forgave you once, I can’t do that again.  
~~So tell me why I still love you.~~  
~~What’s wrong with you?~~ You’re just like your family after all.  
~~I can’t bring myself to believe that~~  
I should’ve given up on you all those years ago. ~~But I couldn’t.~~  
~~Maybe I still can’t. I don’t know how to feel.~~ You did this.  
You betrayed them. It had to be you, didn’t it?  
Dumbledore himself said you didn’t need a trial.  
I don’t know who you are  
~~Yours?~~ Remus_

November 3rd, 1996

Remus’ eyes felt heavy. He’d been pacing up and down his bedroom for some time now, only ever stopping to rub his eyes until he was sure there was more redness than any other colour. He’d put a quill between his teeth, broken it and tossed it aside. He didn’t know what to write. It felt important, far too important for something he’d be watching dissolve in his fireplace. He hadn’t dared to think of Sirius, let alone dream or wonder about him.

He’d still managed to notice the shift in Sirius’ self the moment he’d set eyes on him after all those years. He thought anyone who didn’t was a fool. He thought of Harry, of course. Poor Harry, he would never have known the real Sirius. 

He’d been sure, however, that the Sirius he knew was going to come back to him. He was right to, in part. He could notice that same black family grace, that same smile that so easily haunted his teenage years. He could feel the tears stinging his cheeks thinking of the image of his hollow face, of his ever-so-empty stare. He’d been so sure. But Sirius was no longer that immature, mischief causing boy he once knew. Azkaban had seemed to kill the best parts of him, and he’d always been good at doing that himself. He’d spent any time he could with Sirius, trying to make sense of that somehow even more reckless man sitting across from him. He no longer had the strength to tell Sirius off for his prissiness, and it didn’t seem that Sirius had the energy to stop him from doing so. They were at a loss, leaving Remus with that same feeling his thirteen year old self had hated so much. But this time it was different. It hurt him.  
But that was all over now.

_Happy birthday, Sirius.  
~~I feel awfully stupid writing a letter to a dead man  
I miss you.  
I’m so angry.  
How could you have done that?~~  
Harry needed you, he still needs you.  
~~I needed you~~  
It’s over now though, done. No point dwelling on the past right?  
The order’s growing thinner every day.  
You should know, I ~~never stopped loving you~~ couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye  
~~Where the hell are you?~~  
Merlin I can’t believe you’re really gone.  
Say hello to Lily and James, could you? I’ll see you again, one day.  
I promise. Will you wait for me? Wherever you are.  
~~I wish we had more time  
That’s idiotic.~~  
I’ve been ~~hypocritically~~ dwelling on the past tonight, and if you look I think you’ll find  
That all things considered, I don’t mind that much.  
~~Yours,~~ Remus_


End file.
